you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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