i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize