i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
