dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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