Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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