I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
