she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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