Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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