we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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