Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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