i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
