remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
