haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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