halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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