i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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