I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
