I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
