Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
