I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
