I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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