I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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