Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
