So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
