in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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