Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
