Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
