i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
