You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
