I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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