Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
