I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
