he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
