How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
