He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Houston, we have a blender
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
