my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
