you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
