you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
