that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
