omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
