I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
