I puked a lego.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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