Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
