Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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