so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
