I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
