im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
