i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
