When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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