he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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