So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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