i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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