eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
