Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im six kinds of drunk right now
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
