Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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