do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
