I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
