you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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