I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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