Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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