I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
